Today we have a very interesting episode of the Healthpreneur Podcast. Why is it interesting? Well, our guest is really not involved in the health and wellness space. He deals with relationships—and he’s really good at it. The reason I wanted to have him on this podcast is because I firmly believe that there is nothing more important than relationships, in every aspect of your life.
Whether it’s your marriage, kids, business partners, investors, friends, family—relationships matter. Luckily, Tony Dilorenzo is an expert and he’ll be talking to us about all things relationships. Tony has the number one marriage podcast on iTunes, called the ONE Extraordinary Marriage Show. He speaks to a worldwide audience about sex, love, commitments, challenges, and making relationships a priority.
If you’re thinking this episode is worthless—you’ve got a lot to learn, let me tell you. I really can’t stress enough how important relationships are in your personal life and in business. I think this episode will help you to take a step back and focus on what is most important in your life.
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In this episode, Tony and I discuss:
- The ups and downs of Tony’s 21 year marriage.
- The 60 day sex challenge.
- Owning a business with your significant other.
- Why Yuri thinks there should be a Rent-a-kid program.
- Emotional intimacy
- Bringing kids into the mix.
4:00 – 12:00 – Tony’s marriage—the ups and downs, lessons learned.
12:00 – 19:00 – The ONE Extraordinary Marriage Show.
19:00 – 24:00 – The massive importance of communication.
24:00 – 30:00 – Kids, and how they change the dynamic. Instantly.
30:00 – 35:00 – Tony and Alisa’s all important coffee breaks.
35:00 – 40:00 – The Rapid-Five Questions.
What You Missed:
In the last episode, I talked about The DEATH of The Sales Page.
What do I mean by that? I spoke about how you can get tons of sales without using a sales page. For example, If you’re trying to sell high-ticket items, a sales page might not be your best bet.
I have a foolproof system that I’ve used time and time again that works.
The episode is short and sweet—give it a listen, I can guarantee you’ll get something out of it
What’s up guys? Yuri here. Welcome to the Healthpreneur podcast. Hope your day is going great. I’m excited to be with you back today, we’ve got a really cool interview. Actually, it’s a little bit of a tangent from our typical discussions where we’re talking to entrepreneurs in the specific health wellness fitness space.
Today we’re talking with the co-host of the number one marriage podcast on iTunes. It’s called the ONE Extraordinary Marriage show. This man, Tony DiLorenzo, speaks to a worldwide audience about sex, love, commitments and challenges every listener to make their relationships a priority.
As a husband and business owner whose marriage has dealt with the issues of pornography, financial crisis and child loss, Tony speaks from the heart to those issues that impact relationships with a mixture of tough love and candor. He works with couples around the world, equipping them with the tools and strategies they need to create an extraordinary marriage.
Now, you might be thinking to yourself, “What on earth does this have to do with business, Yuri? Am I really going to spend the next 25, 30 minutes to listen to this?”
The answer to that question is, “Yes, you’re going to continue listening to this episode.” And I’m going to tell you why.
First and foremost, as you may have heard from a couple of different episodes so far, the underlying tone for some of the discussions is that nothing is more important than relationships, and there is no more important relationship than the one with your spouse and your kids.
If you’re doing all the stuff in your business at the expense of them, then you’re never going to be wealthy. You’re never going to achieve the fulfillment you want because you’ve compromised the most important things in your life.
In this episode, Tony’s going to walk through some really important perspectives and distinctions that I think will make a big difference for you—including his 60-day sex challenge that changed his marriage. If you want to see exactly how things transformed for him and his wife, just stay tuned for a couple of minutes to hear that.
Also, there’s a spinoff here. There’s a strategic byproduct of this conversation where we’re not just talking about marriage, but about relationships. A lot of the stuff we’re talking about also applies to the people you work with, the team members you have, the business partners you work with.
Because a lot of these principles are the same whether we’re talking about a marriage or a business partnership. If you care about embracing the people you work with, the people you serve, and most importantly, your significant others or your kids this is going to be a very, very important episode to tune into.
If you want to learn more about what he’s up to and more about their podcast, you can go to oneextraordinarymarriage.com. Without any further ado, let’s welcome Tony on to the show.
Yuri: Tony, welcome to the Healthpreneur Podcast. How’s it going?
Tony: Great, Yuri. Thanks for having me, man.
Yuri: Yeah, I’m excited to talk with you because this is a little bit of a deviation from our typical guests who are health fitness entrepreneurs. You’ve got the number one marriage podcast on iTunes, you’re really focused on relationships, and I think that’s such an integral part of life in general. I think there’s a really close connection with health and wellness in general.
That’s why I wanted to have you on, and I’m excited to dive into where we can go with this.
Tony: I’m excited.
Yuri: Yeah. So, what jazzes you up? When you think about relationships, marriage, when you consider what other people talk about, what’s your stance in the marketplace? How do you state your claim and say, “This is what we believe in. This is the thing that we believe to be true as it pertains to your relationships,” and all that good stuff?
Tony: Yeah, so we’ve had the ONE Extraordinary Marriage show for seven-and-a-half years now and, like you said, it’s the number one marriage podcast on iTunes. Our tagline has always been, from the beginning, “sex, love, and commitment.” I really like the first word in our tagline, sex. Because we need to talk about it and it really is what fires me up on a day-to-day basis.
Yuri: Not just because you’re a man, but just in general.
Tony: No, not at all. No, no. And it’s changed over the years, too, Yuri. I’m seven-and-a-half years older. I’ve been married almost 21 years.
Yuri: That’s awesome.
The ups and downs of Tony’s 21 year marriage
Tony: Sex has changed in my relationship from when I was married to when we first had kids to where we now have a high schooler and a junior higher. Life has changed and I still love it because I believe that our society, our media, has over sexualized it. Turned it into something that really doesn’t happen.
So I get jazzed up in just talking truthfully and honestly to couples about what we deal with and how they can enhance their sex life.
Yuri: I’d love to go down this path because I think it’s going to make some people feel uncomfortable, which is good. But I want to talk about it at a relationship level first, and then I want to talk about it with respect to the kids.
When you look at a relationship, every relationship is different, but how does sex play a role in a happy, loving relationship?
Tony: Let’s just take away all the preconceived notions that we believe about male and female, because I think that really ties people up a lot, where it’s like, “Oh, well, the guy’s the one who always wants sex,” or “She doesn’t initiate.” Those are two that I hear often.
One of the things that we try to share with folks all the time is that that’s not the truth.
We know many women who do love to initiate, and we know a number of men who are not the high desire spouse. Helping people to understand that allows them to break free and go, “Wow, okay, I’m not the only one like this.” And then gives them the ability to wrap their heads, minds and bodies around what sex really is for them.
Yuri: I guess every couple is different, so having sex three times a day might be okay for one, having once a week is okay for others.
How do people kind of find their sweet spot? How do they know they’re on the right path? Or if they feel that they’re not normal, how do people make sense of all that?
Tony: Right. I’m going to share a little bit of our story real quick to help the listener understand where Alisa and I are coming from.
Yuri: Yeah, for sure.
The 60 day sex challenge
Tony: I shared that we were married 21 years. The first 11 years really weren’t great. They were honestly crappy.
We almost got divorced twice, and at the 11 year mark, we engaged in a challenge that I brought up to Alisa. It was the 60 Days of Sex challenge.
I’m the high desire spouse, she’s the low desire spouse. I’d been rejected multiple times, and when I brought this up she had rejected me once again. The next day she was in the laundry room doing some stuff and she just heard God speaking to her, saying, “If this is your attitude, if this is where you’re going to be, then it’s pretty much over.” That night she came to me and she’s like, “Let’s do the 60 Days of Sex challenge.”
Yuri: And you’re like, “Yes.”
Tony: Here’s the funny thing, she came up to me and I’m like, “What are you talking about?” Because my mind was always at the point of like, “Let’s go to the next thing.”
Tony: Sometimes as an entrepreneur, something fails and you can’t just sit and wallow in that too long. You’ve got to move forward, you’ve got to look for that next avenue, that next journey you’re going to jump on.
So I was already there. And she goes, “Yes.”
I’m like, “Yes to what?” She goes, “Let’s do the challenge.”
I was like a deer in headlights going, “Are you kidding?” All the thoughts in my mind were like, “Oh, my gosh. I’m really going to have to perform for 60 days. What’s going to happen here?” This, that and the other in a flash of a minute or a second there.
Then I was like, “Okay, let’s do this.” Over the course of 60 days, we completed 40 out of 60 days because we had some rules that we set up, some guardrails that we set up. Travel, we can miss on that. Time of the month, we can miss on that. And then if somebody was sick.
Tony: 40 out of 60 days. Awesome. We were excited.
It honestly transformed our lives and there are many folks and couples in the ONE family that have had it transform their lives as well. We have people in the ONE family who’ve done it more than we have. I love it when they come to us and tell us that.
Yuri: Yeah, I bet. What’s the big learning? What was the big epiphany or transformation that came out of that for you guys?
Tony: Yeah, so the big transformation for us was that the emotional part of our intimacy is more important than the physical.
That mental connection, that emotional connection of us being able to talk to each other, know what’s going on, sometimes even our deep desires when it comes to what sex looks like for us—that’s what transformed our physical intimacy.
Because physical intimacy no longer became just this sort of thing where we hopped in bed between the sheets, had sex, and were done. Because we were emotionally connected throughout the day, and even prior to sex, that got us excited for what was ahead.
Yuri: Sure, that’s awesome.
Let’s just use the stereotypical example, the woman is the low desire, the man is the high desire. Is that something that changes based on the dynamic of the relationship? Or is that set in stone?
Tony: No, it changes over the course of the relationship if you’re willing to take action and be intentional about it. What came out of that 60 Days of Sex challenge and how we’ve been able to sustain that physical intimacy—and many folks in the ONE family have done this as well—we have the intimacy lifestyle.
And that changed everything, in terms of thinking, “Oh, it’s just set in stone now.”
Yuri: That’s awesome. So, you started working in this arena after this transformation? Or during the whole process as well
Tony: Yeah, so we had done it. We were like, “Oh, my gosh, this is awesome.” We had spoken at a couple of events. People were asking for more. We were like, “Yeah, that’s what we’ve done.”
That’s how we got into podcasting. A friend of ours mentioned it to us and we just fell in love with that medium and being open … It’s a place where we can just be open, honest and transparent with folks, and that’s what we’ve done for seven-and-a-half years.
Owning a business with your significant other
Yuri: That’s awesome. How have you enjoyed working with your wife in the business?
Tony: The correct answer, because every couple wants to hear it, is like, “Oh, it’s just sunshine and rainbows every day.” It’s tough. It’s difficult.
It’s rewarding, and yet there are definitely times when the line between who Alisa and I are as husband and wife gets blurred between owners of a business that’s growing … and how do you manage that with VAs around the country, assistants, people pulling at our time?
It can be tough, and we have to almost call a timeout every now and then on business because it tends to go more towards that. Sometimes we have to go, “This is just us time. This is Tony and Alisa spending time together as a couple.”
Yuri: That’s great. Is there one of you who is more of the visionary, the other one’s more of the implementer? Or do you guys complement each other nicely?
I ask this because my wife and I could not work together because we’re both the same type of visionary, high quick start, no attention to detail type of person. Do you guys complement each other or is it like my wife and I?
Tony: We complement each other, but we had to learn that.
Tony: I’m the visionary and I’m thinking a year ahead or trying to think of how we’re moving and shifting.
She’s our content creator. She’s the coach in the business. She does an amazing job working with those who come to us for that need. She just takes care of that area.
We’ve had to learn that ebb and flow over the years and how that looks, because that can also transfer over into your relationship and cause that same dynamic in the relationship which we don’t want at all. It’s not like I’m the visionary for our marriage, saying “this is what we’re going to do.” No, because that would stifle her.
Tony: We tried to work towards that. Actually, last year was our 20th anniversary and we were trying to figure out a place to go for this monumental anniversary, for us.
We were picking all these places—let’s go to the Caribbean, let’s do this, and I’m like, “I just don’t want to sit on a beach for 10 days,” whatever we were going to go.
Tony: Her, being the visionary in our marriage, goes, “Let’s go to Peru. We’re going to Machu Picchu.”
Tony: It’s a place that we had talked about, probably in our third, fourth, fifth year of marriage, and I was like, “That’s it. It’s game on.” We found a travel agency that hooked us all up and it was great. But she was able to be the visionary in our marriage.
Yuri: That’s cool. It’s nice that you’ve found that working balance that works well for you guys, because I think it’s important. From my experience, a lot of couples aren’t clear on that and they’re expecting something of the other person. Then that doesn’t happen and they get pissed off and they’re like, “Why aren’t you like this?”
Yuri: How do you deal with couples?
For instance, I tell people I’m completely not the stereotypical man. The only thing I do in the house is change a light bulb. That’s all I do. I don’t even cut the lawn. I don’t want to do any of that stuff… the typical man stuff. Whatever the stereotype might be, whatever those preconceived notions might be, how do you advise couples on just being like, “This is who you are, this is who your spouse is, work together, deal with it, figure it out.”
How do you navigate people through that?
The ONE Extraordinary Marriage Show
Tony: We share our story. We share it from the heart.
“Hey, this is who Tony and Alisa are on a day-to-day, weekly basis. This is where we’re at, this is how we deal with this. Take what we’re sharing with you, take the action steps and put it to your own marriage. Ask the questions that we’re asking each other right now on the podcast. Get real with each other, get honest with each other. Pick up some of our free resources that will allow you to open up and talk. Or pick up one of our books like Connect Like You Did When You First Met. Do those things.”
What we really share with couples all the time, we’re like, “You’re uniquely made. Each of you are uniquely made, just like Alisa and I are. Your marriage is unique from us and yet we still deal with the same things.” It’s just, are you willing to open up and be vulnerable with your spouse and take down the walls, be loved more for who you are than not showing them that?
Yuri: That’s great.
Tony: Because, they can only love you so much if you have a wall up. Are you really willing to let down that wall and allow them to love you for who you really are?
That’s when we see the breakthrough. Couples who are willing to do that and accept who their spouse is … That’s the other piece. We get these notions of, “Oh, my spouse is supposed to be this and this and this.” Well, that’s what you’ve built up in your own mind of who they are.
Who they really are is this and they’re sharing that with you. Are you going to accept that? Or are you always going to look at them as somebody who they’re not?
That’s going to be a struggle for a long time. If you’re trying to put your husband or your wife in a place that they’re not … Your wife is just going, “Yuri, my expectation of you is that you mow the lawn every week and you’re taking out the garbage each and every day.” Gosh, man, that’s going to be tough and you’re not going to live up to that.
Yuri: It’s interesting because everything you’re talking about with respect to a marriage is very similar with business partnerships and with people in your company. I’m sure you’ve seen some type of crossover with these types of principles, discussions and vulnerabilities with team members and companies, even yours probably.
Tony: Yeah. Totally. When we talk to business folks it really hits home from two places.
We share it from that place as a team, we even talk to folks. We say, “You’re on the same team together. If an issue arises, work together against the problem. You guys are not the problem, right?”
When you’re talking to team members in a business setting it’s the same thing. We’re here to work together. We’re here to achieve the same goal. You’re not the problem, I’m not the problem. The problem is that we’re not able to ship our product to the customer quick enough so they’re mad. How do we work together from a shipping and a marketing standpoint?
Yuri: Communication’s obviously very important. Emotional intimacy is the number one intimacy that people need to work on and it needs to be worked on constantly.
Tony: Key, key, key. Emotional intimacy is the number one intimacy that people need to work on and it needs to be worked on constantly.
You don’t know your spouse … You may have had those long conversations that first time you met or that first year you met and you know everything about your spouse, but guess what? Times change. Things happen. Parents pass away. Kids do stupid things—I’m going to say it, I’ve got two of them and sometimes that happens.
It can take us into a tailspin, there can be some trauma—and if we’re not willing to dive back into that emotional intimacy we’re going to miss out because we’re going to think of our spouse as “that person that we married five, 10, 20 years ago.”
They’re not that person anymore. I’m not the same person … I met Alisa when I was 21. That was 23 years ago. I’m not the same person. I’m different.
Yuri: That’s great. That’s a good perspective, for sure. I think it’s good because you guys are very committed to growth—which, I’m not going to say all people are because I don’t think they are, in the same way that a lot of people that I interview on the show are.
It’s great that you’ve grown so much since you were 21, and not just age-wise, but I think also maturation, perspective, wisdom, which has brought a lot to your relationship, which is great.
How do you know when it’s just not right? Whether it’s the relationship, a divorce, or maybe even in business too—the partnership—it’s like, “You’re just not the right person to be on our team anymore.” How do you know when it’s enough?
Tony: Yeah, that’s always tough, right? When do you know when to say, enough is enough?
Because I think a lot of us want to see the good, we want to see it work out. We want to have the fairytale at the end of that story. What I’ve told a number of my buddies who have been in that situation where they’re looking down the barrel of divorce … I tell them, “Hey, all you can do is put your best foot forward and do everything that you possibly can.” So in the event that divorce does happen, you can walk away with your head held high going, “I did everything I possibly could.”
I can’t sit here and change Alisa, just like she can’t be where she is and change me right now. But I can do everything I possibly can in this moment to love her, to romance her, to be the husband that I said I’m going to be to her. At the end of the day, though, if she chooses to go down and file divorce, that’s her choice.
Tony: I’m going to walk through this, though, and I’m going to make sure I can do everything that I can.
It’s similar in the business world, right? If you’re a manager and you’re looking at that guy—have you put everything in you knew you could? Did you do the proper training? Because I hear a lot of managers go, “Well, he’s not good.” Well, did you train him? Or did you just hire him and throw him in a seat and expect him to do everything and just get assimilated into the culture?
Did you honestly train him? Were you leading him or her to be successful?
Because if you weren’t, then you’re cutting yourself short and that person short. But if you can hold your head up high and go, “I did this, I did this, I did this. It just didn’t work out.” Okay, then it’s time to cut the cord. Maybe with our businesses, too.
There have been times over the years with businesses that I’ve had where you’re sitting there and you’re holding on—you’re holding on and you’re like, “I’ve done everything, I’ve done everything.” It’s time to cut the cord.
Sometimes you hold on a little bit even longer than you should and then you’re like, “Man, I should’ve cut the cord three months ago.”
Kids, and how they change the dynamic. Instantly
Yuri: I want to go back to kids for a second. You’ve got two kids, I’ve got three. I know our listeners have kids as well—if they’re married or even if they’re not.
Let’s talk about the important role of being parents, in terms of role models and also how the relationship impacts the kids. In terms of what they’re observing and how their parents co-exist together.
Tony: That is huge because kids definitely, as you know, change the dynamic.
Yuri: Yeah. Just a little bit.
Tony: Those years before kids, man, I sometimes look back and go, “Holy crud, Alisa, we had so much time on our hands and we thought we were busy then.”
Yuri: I wish there was Rent-a-Kid where you could rent a kid for a weekend, just to experience it, and then give him back.
Tony: Just experience it. Yeah, “What is this like?” Oh, they throw a dynamic in from the pregnancy phase to giving birth to those early years. There’s all different phases that we’re going to go through.
The big thing that Alisa and I committed to is that our marriage is first. Our core values are God, our marriage, our kids, work and other things.
Tony: That’s the way it goes. And you know what? It took us a while to get there because our kids were the focus for awhile and it really devalued who we were in our marriage.
This was in one of those points in time where we almost got divorced. It was actually in the second time there, right prior to the 60 Days of Sex challenge, and that’s where we lost ourselves.
We lost who we were as a married couple and what we were striving for. Once we got that back in place and got those core values in order, things began to change. Our kids knew that we loved them and they know that we love them—and yet when it’s date night, it’s date night. It’s about mom and dad, because mom and dad need to be healthy for you guys to be healthy.
They need to see a healthy relationship. They need to know that we still date each other. They need to know that we still love each other and we kiss each other and hug each other around them.
We’re open with our kids, and they know we have sex, they get it, they understand it. We’re very much into the, “Hey, this is what it is, it’s great inside of a committed relationship, when you’re married to your spouse because you know they’re there.”
We share, “Hey, we had sex before marriage. We get it. We’ve been there.” We share those things with them. But they get to see healthy, right? They get to see that it’s not perfect, there’s still arguments, there’s still tears, there’s still frustrations.
Yet, at the end of the day, Alisa and I know that we’re going to be here and they know we’re going to be here well after they leave the house. That was one of our big things. We saw too many friends who are older than us—and friends even in our age group—whose parents were getting divorced.
Or they were getting divorced once the kids left because they’re like, “What do we have to do? We’ve been doing sports, we’ve been doing this with the kids. Now I’m looking at you and who are you? I don’t know who you are anymore.”
We were like, “No, no, no. That’s not going to happen here.”
Yuri: Yeah, that’s awesome. That’s so common, too. I remember when I was a personal trainer way back in the day and I had this older couple—they were amazing—and the wife had devoted close to 30 years of her life just as a mom.
That was her job. Look after the kids, make sure they’re okay. All that stuff. Then they were married and did their own thing and she’s like, “Who am I?” She had no identity.
I see this all the time, even where I live. I walk my kids to school—I’m one of the very few fathers that’s able to pick them up and drop them off, which is great. But I see a lot of the moms, they drop the kids off in the morning, they walk home. They walk back to school at lunch, pick the kids up, back home, back to school.
I’m like, “What do you do outside of just your kids?” Right?
I totally get that you guys are number one because I always say, “You have to take care of yourself first.” It’s the same thing with a relationship. I think it’s actually a really good thing for the kids to see, too, because if you guys are being the fullest version of yourselves, a great marriage, contributing to the world, that’s a great example for them to emulate.
I think that’s awesome.
Tony: For those of you who have younger kids, just FYI, as they begin hitting high school and stuff, believe me, you’re going to have a ton of stuff on your plate.
You think you’re busy now? If your kids are in sports and they begin to hit high school and they’re playing sports and stuff, get ready. You better have your foundation between you and your spouse solid because you are going to be stretched. And we’re in that phase.
Tony: We’re right there. I got a boy who plays football and he’s a big kid, he’s a freshman and he’s 6’1″, 205, and dreams to play D one ball.
Tony: You get stretched. So a lot of dads and even moms, they’ll get lost in their kids’ sports. It’s not the end all be all. A lot of kids aren’t going to make it to the next level.
I don’t know if my son will make it to the next level but I do know I can love him and in that process Alisa and I are still a team, right? She and I are the team that still looks at our situation, what we’re doing, and how we’re going to play this out on the field or on the court together with my kids.
Yuri: That’s great. When you look at the marriage, the family, the kids, the business—juggling all that and making time for everything. What been the biggest challenge for you guys?
Let’s say like post-60 day sex challenge, as you’ve built out this business, what’s been the biggest challenge that you guys have faced, how did you overcome it, and what was maybe a lesson that you learned from that whole experience?
Tony: Biggest challenge I still face is day-to-day activities. It’s something that gets better but, again, we work out of our home as well, so I don’t have an office outside of the house. My youngest is now home-schooled, so she’s here with us at times. These are challenges that we’re facing right now, even.
Tony and Alisa’s all important coffee breaks
Tony: One if our solutions is really dialing down onto the calendar, figuring out what needs to happen and sticking to that as best as we can. Calendars rule our lives, so if it’s not on the calendar then we’re not going to do it.
One of the big things that we do as a couple that has helped is called our coffee breaks, and that is a time for Alisa and I—an hour, typically on a Saturday or Sunday—where we just look at our week. This has been a huge help and I want to say, full transparency, we did great at the beginning of the year—it was on our calendar—and then as the end of March came around, April, it wasn’t on our calendar.
And guess what? It didn’t happen. We started going into a little bit of a tailspin. In that time-frame, my father passed away.
Yuri: Sorry to hear that.
Tony: Thanks, man. That was huge. And had we been doing those coffee breaks, I think even leading up to my dad’s passing, would’ve been so helpful.
Then my dad passed and it felt like the month after was just a blur. Just an absolute blur. The month after that it started getting better and I started getting my head above water again. We got back to it just recently and, I’m telling you, we’re going to make sure that that coffee break is on our calendar for us, to really go, “Okay, what’s happening this week with us? With the kids?”
This coffee break isn’t much of a business deal. Some business stuff comes in, but it’s really about our family and about Alisa and I and what’s going … When are we getting date night in this week? Are we just going to go jump into a coffee shop and get a drink and sit down for half and hour? Are we going out Friday night?
That is huge. I’m looking to end the year strong with that. Honestly, every week let’s just do it and make it happen because it’s vital.
Yuri: Yeah, I can definitely relate to that because we’ve got three boys, three, four and six, and sometimes my wife and I, we’re just happy to sit in a car in the driveway.
Tony: Oh, yes.
Yuri: Just having that space. That’s such a good practice to sit down, plan out the week. I think a lot of our listeners can appreciate that because we’re people that talk about planning your meals and your workouts, plan your life.
I would say entrepreneurs are maybe a bit more guilty of this. We put so much focus on the business that we take care of the relationship afterwards. I think that’s a great practice—just a business meeting, but for the relationship and the family almost.
Tony: Yeah, it’s nice. If you have younger kids and you can’t do it, then make something special around the house.
Can you do it early one morning when the kids are still asleep, if your kids sleep in a bit? Can one of you run to the coffee shop and go get something, then you guys just sit out on the front porch or on the patio, depending on where you are?
When our kids were younger like your age—and we were still newer in our business, so it wasn’t doing as well—instead of getting out, because we didn’t have the money to afford a babysitter at the time, we would get our kids to bed.
So whoever got the kid to sleep first, that would be the spouse who would run out to grab something to eat, which we had already pre-determined.
Go out, get something to eat, bring it back, set up a blanket, set up some candles in the living room. By the time one of us would get back the other kid was asleep, we’d come in, we’d just sit down on that blanket and pretend that we were miles and miles away and have a meal together.
Yuri: That’s cool.
Tony: It honestly could’ve been 9:00, 9:30 at night sometimes, Yuri, but it was just enough to be able to like, “Alright, let’s refresh our souls here and get connected again.”
Yuri: That’s awesome. So what you’re saying is that we shouldn’t leave our kids by themselves while we go out?
Tony: Well, I do now because they’re older-
Yuri: Apparently, I didn’t know that
Tony: For you, three, four and six, probably not the best idea.
Yuri: Yeah. Thankfully my mom lives close by so she’s been a great help for us. But yeah, it definitely takes a village to raise kids.
Tony: Yeah, especially your ages and as close as they are, I give you guys credit, so … Wow.
Yuri: Yeah, thank you. It’s fun. I love having kids because I think we come on to this planet with a very specific purpose. For me, I think part of my purpose is growth and contribution, so I tell people having kids is like a personal development seminar every single day.
They just continue learning and learning and learning, and say, “Okay, yesterday wasn’t the best day, let’s make today a little bit better.” You just really have to be the best version of yourself and it’s a lot of fun.
Tony: Yeah. I love it.
The Rapid-Five Questions
Yuri: Well, Tony, this has been a lot of fun. I thank you so much for being so open and candid with everything you shared. Are you ready for the rapid five?
Tony: I am. Let’s go for it.
Yuri: Alright, so here we go. You have no prior knowledge of these questions, just for everyone listening. This hasn’t been scripted. Alright, so first question. What is your biggest weakness?
Tony: Oh, my biggest weakness in business, I think, I overestimate the goodness that’s going to happen.
Yuri: I can relate to that.
Tony: You know what I mean?
Yuri: Oh, yeah.
Tony: I think we’re going to get our new book out and we’re going to do a thousand copies… I’m always like, “Yes, this is totally doable,” and then you get half of that or less and you’re like, “Oh, shoot.” I overestimate. That would be a weakness of mine.
Yuri: That’s why I never understood, on Shark Tank, when they’re like, “What are your projections for the next year?” I would be the worst person to answer that question. How can you even project what’s going to happen a year from now?
Tony: Yeah, I’d be like, “I’m going to sell five million of those.” Sure, let’s go. Okay.
Yuri: Okay, sounds good. Cool. What is your biggest strength?
Tony: Oh, my biggest strength, I think … This is something I’ve grown into, but I think it’s just building strong and real relationships.
I just believe that I have the ability to speak to people, even if I’ve just met them for the first time—and speak some life into them and build that relationship quickly. I’m very personable, that’s just part of who I am.
I have empathy. That’s a strength as well. Especially in the world we live in. Being able to just let people know you love them and that there may be some hurt going on, that you’re there for them. I think that’s a huge strength of mine.
Yuri: I would agree. Especially in a world where there’s a lot of superficial conversations and very surface relationships. I think that’s a big skill. That’s awesome.
Okay, one skill you’ve become dangerously good at in order to grow your business.
Tony: Oh, man, I can use ONTRAPORT pretty well.
Tony: Yeah, dangerously good? Yeah, there are definitely times when I’m in an ONTRAPORT group and I’m hearing some people say this and that. I’m like, “Oh, I know how to do that,” and I’m thinking, “Oh, wow. Oh, yeah. Alright, that’s cool.”
Yuri: That’s a good one. What do you do first thing in the morning?
Tony: Oh, man, unfortunately more times than not I grab my phone.
Yuri: Oh, yeah?
Tony: After that, I’m into my bible.
Yuri: Cool. The phone before the bible. Interesting. How times have changed.
Tony: Yeah, and I’m trying to break that habit. It’s crazy how, even after you read all those studies and know the addictive nature of our phones, just don’t go to it. So, yep.
Yuri: Cool. Thank you for being honest about that. Then finally, complete this sentence: I know I’m being successful when ____.
Tony: Hmm, wow. That’s always a moving target—you know that, Yuri. I know I’m successful when I am sitting down on the beach with Alisa and there’s no other care in the world other than being in that moment with her.
Yuri: Awesome. That’s great, man. Tony, this has been a lot of fun.
I want to just acknowledge the amazing work that you’ve done with Alisa, your podcast, the journey that you guys have been on and how you’ve used that to touch a lot of people’s lives. I just want to acknowledge you for that. I know a lot of people listening to your podcast who maybe have never even reached out to you, who are touched at a very deep level as well.
Tony: Well, I appreciate it, Yuri. I really do. Thank you so much for giving me the opportunity.
I loved your questions, man, they really got me. There were a couple times, I’m going to say, for the listeners as well, man, there’s nothing bad in showing emotion. You almost got me on a couple of them, so great job. Thank you.
Yuri: That’s cool. I’m happy that you’re so vulnerable and open about everything, it really makes for a better interview and just a better conversation in general, whether it’s an interview like this or in person. I think having that ability to just be yourself, be deep and true, is really remarkable. Thank you for showing up, for being here.
So Tony, where is the best place for people to follow your work online, maybe even check out your podcasts?
Tony: Yeah, so the best place, everyone, just go to oneextraordinarymarriage.com. You’ll find everything there from the podcast to articles to our books and the like.
Yuri: Awesome. Beautiful. Once again, Tony, thank you so much for taking the time to be with me.
Tony: Thanks Yuri.
I don’t know about you, but I really had a great time during our conversation with Tony DiLorenzo because, as I mentioned before, relationships are where it’s at.
Whether we’re talking about the business relationships that I continue to come back to time and time again—the most impactful way, the most accelerated way to grow your business is to build relationships with people that can support you.
Whether that’s people you bring onto your team, potential joint venture partners, collaborators, becoming part of a mastermind, going to live events, it’s the people. It always will be about the people.
No matter what technologies come down the road, no matter what becomes automated, people will never replace people. I’m telling you, until the end of time that will be the same thing for human beings.
It’s going to become even more valuable, as we become more disconnected technologically, to really connect at a deeper level with humans, right? And especially your spouse. If you’re married or if you’re in a relationship, taking the time to be with that person.
I’ll fully admit that I’m guilty of not necessarily being that person all the time. Both my wife and I have our own businesses. She’s busy doing hers, I’m busy doing mine, but we do our best to really make sure that we have time for each other. We hang out with the kids quite a bit. It really just makes everything a lot more enjoyable when you have things in perspective.
I’ve built this entire business around my desire to want to walk my kids to school and pick them up every single day. To be able to hang out with my family when they’re at home and not having to constantly work. For me, that was a big priority.
As we’ve talked about a few times with different people in the podcast so far, is really just keeping the main thing. Yes, it’s important to make money. Yes, it’s important to touch a lot of people’s live, but let me ask you a question. Is it more noble to impact thousands or even millions of other people who you will never meet, or spend the time and impacting those who are closest to you?
We all talk about wanting to impact a lot of people, transforming the world. And I’m leading the tribe for sure, saying, “We want to touch a billion people’s lives.” That’s great.
But, I will never do that if it means compromising the relationship I have with my family.
That’s why I wanted to bring Tony onto this episode, onto this podcast, because I think it’s an important reminder that we always keep that front and center. Anyway, I hope you agree with me. If you don’t, you think I’m crazy, you’re like, “Yuri, you should just get off your soapbox and stop,” that’s fine as well.
Either way, we’ve got great, great interviews coming up. Obviously, some great solo rounds as well, so be sure to subscribe to the Healthpreneur podcast if you haven’t already. Leave a rating or review if you haven’t done so.
That’s all for today. Remember, if you haven’t grabbed your copy of Health Profit Secrets, you can do so over at healthpreneurbook.com. My gift to you. Just cover the minimal cost of shipping and it’s yours. I will send it right to your door. It’s really what I’ve been able to unearth over the past 12 years of what makes a successful business. I guarantee it will make a big difference in your business. Grab it today.
Until our next episode, go out there, continue to be great, do great, and have an awesome day.
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