Why Worry Isn’t Helping You (And 3 Ways to Overcome It)

Transcription

What’s up everyone? Yuri here, welcome back to Between The Ears, our special weekly session with the results coaches. I’m here with Steph, Amy and Jackie, hope you guys are all doing great.

We are going to be talking about, in this episode, why worrying doesn’t serve you and three ways to overcome it, because worry is one of those things that it just doesn’t feel good on a daily basis to have that gnawing feeling in your stomach and it doesn’t really help you. It paralyzes you, it doesn’t help you move forward. It changes your point of focus and really nothing good comes from worry but I think the tendency really is just, it’s a habit that we’ve just grooved into our brain for so long. Whether it’s been the way we’ve been brought up, we modeled our parents or whatever, and it’s just a habit. It really is just a habit that we need to change.

So I want to get the gals into the discussion here and we’re going to jump right into this. First and foremost, why don’t we talk really quickly about how you guys see worry come up in either the check-in calls with our clients, or you have on the front-end with prospective clients? Jackie, do you want to start?

 

Overcoming worry and moving forward

Jackie:                                   Yeah, I always tell people, and Stephanie, you’ll probably laugh, because she’s heard me say this multiple times in our coaching groups. Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do that gets you nowhere. It gets you nowhere, right?

Yuri Elkaim:                         Yeah.

Jackie:                                   It keeps you busy and it keeps you busy in the wrong focus or area. In our calls, I notice especially on the front-end, people, especially as soon as they enroll, they’re like, “I’m nervous, I’m scared, I’m excited, I’m worried.” I’m like, “Okay, great, all of that is just energy, right?” So you can choose to chase yourself in your own head and worry about what could go wrong wrong, or are you good enough? Or is this the right thing for me? Or la, la, la, la, la.

Or you can choose to think differently. So you can take that same type of energy and put a positive spin on it like, “This is exciting, this is new, I have generous amount of support. I’m going to trip and fall but guess what, there’s going to be people to catch me and help figure out to get back up and do things the right way.”

So yeah, worry is just funny to me because it creeps in and it is like a groove, Yuri. You hit the nail on the head. Just like a river through a canyon, it keeps flushing, it keeps flushing and the more the water keeps flowing in that area, the groove gets deeper and deeper but thankfully you have coaching to help remove or fill in what new mindset chips, tricks, tactics, traits, strategies et cetera.

Yuri Elkaim:                         You’ve brought up something really interesting.  If that worry sinks in, almost once they’ve committed, once they’re in, then there’s that day or two, or they go to bad, they’re like, “Did I make the right decision?” Guys you have to understand, this is part of what we call the client journey. This is something that’s featured in our Luminaries Masterminds where you have to understand the different emotions that people go through at different stages of the buying cycle or of the journey, and one of the most dangerous/important times of that journey is right when people enroll.

What happens right away, and this is something we’re conscious of and something hopefully, if we work together over and over and over again over the coming months that you guys will start to clue into, is that when people enroll with you, what you do in that first 24 hours is really important to reaffirm their decision because they’re going to go through what you’re feeling … If you were working with us when you started initially, so Jackie thanks so much for bringing that up because that really is an important thing for everyone to remember.

Steph, what about you? You’ve done such an amazing job with helping our clients overcome all sorts of stuff on the coaching side. How do you see this show up for them?

Stephanie:                          So what I think happens a lot is that I think we’re sort of in a little bubble. The people who are in this group and even entrepreneurs and people like us who work from home, nobody in our families, nobody in our lives really understands this entrepreneurial journey that we’re on, like Facebook ads and doing this and especially if you’re in a brick and mortar business and then you’re like, “I’m going to do this online thing,” and people are like, “You’re crazy.” So you start to take on other people’s thoughts and worries as your own and then on top of that, you’re in this little bubble by yourself at your desk like, “Oh my God, does this suck, is this good, is it bad?”

So generally when I hop on with people, and I really encourage you guys, if you’re feeling any kind of worry or fear, or anything like that, just hop on a call with one of us because literally in 15 minutes, all of a sudden people hop off like, “Yes, I’m going in the right direction, I feel amazing, yay.” It’s just funny when we hop on because they’re like, “Oh my God, is my perfect client pipeline right? Is my webinar right? Are these slides right? Is my title right?” None of this stuff that you guys are worrying about even matters, it’s all about just moving forward and putting one foot in front of the other, but worry, just like Jackie said, is like that rocking chair where it’s like, “Is this title slide right? Is this title slide right? Is this right? Is that right?”

And you’re going nowhere.  You’re not moving forward.  If you can just say, “Okay, this is the best that I can do right now, I’ve got some great advice from the copy coaches, I don’t know if this is perfect but perfect doesn’t exist, so I’m just going to go with it and try it and see what happens.” Then you get the data and then you find out if it works. So anyways, worry is definitely something that I think a lot of people in this group … because they’ve invested time, effort and energy into something and they’re hoping for a great result.

I think we’re going to talk about some strategies on how to get over this but it’s important to just understand that you have to move forward and if you find yourself stuck, because I have noticed a couple of people fall out of the group where it’s like … and I’m actually going to reach out to some of these people over the next couple of days because it’s almost like they get so worried, they don’t reach out for help and then they just disappear and that’s something that you don’t want to do because that’s really your subconscious mind holding you back from greatness. It’s your subconscious mind getting stuck in that groove, like Jackie was saying, in the canyon, of just not moving forward. It’s actually easier not to move forward than it is to move forward. That’s why there’s not hundreds and hundreds of multi, multi upon multi-billionaires and millionaires, because there’s just most people won’t do it. Most people won’t do it, they freak out too much.

Yuri Elkaim:                         It’s inertia as well, right?

It’s easier to worry and continue that energy than it is to stop it in its tracks and walk uphill with a boulder on your back and then build that inertia and that momentum. But guys, it is a choice either way. We have these coaching calls for our clients for a very specific reason, because every single time … and we get the reports, we share all this stuff as a team, person came in, they’re killing this, this, this and this and within 15 minutes, they had marked that redirection in confidence. How did they do that? How does that happen? Well we’ve got a secret sauce that we deal with in our coaching and you just have to understand, if someone can go from that overwhelmed, worrying type of feeling and in 15 minutes go from that to clarity and confidence, well that’s pretty amazing, right?

So you don’t have to spend months worrying about stuff before you change direction. It can happen in an instant but it does help to have the right coaching, it does help to have the right framework to really redirect your focus and that’s why we’re here to help you guys and that’s why we don’t offer this as a course. That’s why I don’t really recommend anyone sell a course because left to their own devices, human beings are going to go into their habitual ways of thinking, “This doesn’t work, blah, blah, blah. I can never do this,” whatever. This is all bullshit, right?

If that’s the way you’re thinking, if that’s the way you’re habitually been thinking forever, that’s what’s going to happen for you, right?

Stephanie:                          Mm-hmm (affirmative).

 

Expecting and accepting uncertainty

Yuri Elkaim:                         So yes, that’s awesome, thanks. Okay, let’s shift gears and talk about, we know that worry isn’t helpful, it’s not really moving us in the right direction, let’s talk about three ways to address this and let me … I’ll quickly go back to you, Steph, and then I’ll open up to Amy. You had mentioned something before which I thought was really important as the first step, the first step to overcoming worry. I’ll let you take that first one.

Stephanie:                          Yeah, so I think, we talk about our topics beforehand and I really was thinking, “What’s one thing that somebody can do to help them move forward?” I think when you come into this program, or anything in life, you have to expect some uncertainty and accept it. So expect it and accept it and understand that that uncertainty can either derail you and cause you to go down this negative pathway of doom, death and destruction pathway, or it can allow you to say, “You know what? I knew this was going to happen, but this is just part of the course, I’m going to keep going anyway. I’m going to keep going anyway, even though there’s really nothing I can do to control this. I’ve done everything that I can to put it in place.”

For example, with your Facebook ads, you’ve done the best that you can with your webinar. I know that you guys have. You’ve done the best you can with your copy, all of that stuff, but really it’s in the hands of the consumer to find out whether all of this works, but that’s okay. There’s some uncertainty there but you’ve done your best and as long as you’ve done your best and it’s all about intention, is your intention right, is your intention pure? That’s all you can really rely upon, is really your intention, which I know you guys all have great intentions because you want to help people. You can’t get a better and higher intention than that. So just understand that that’s what’s most important.

Then the other thing too is that if you slip into, “Oh my gosh, oh my gosh,” we get into very black and white thinking, where it’s all good or all bad and there’s so much gray area in between and that’s kind of where that uncertainty part fits in, is in the gray. So it doesn’t mean that it’s all bad and it doesn’t mean that it’s all good, it just means that it’s right in the gray area and you’ve got to let it play out to find out where it’s going to go.

Yuri Elkaim:                         Yeah, that’s awesome. So step one guys, is expect and accept uncertainty. There’s so many great analogies from nature. Is it sunny every single day of the year? Not where I live. I mean, maybe if you live in Phoenix it might be, you still have seasons. There are seasons in this world, there are seasons in life, there are seasons in business. There’s going to be a season where maybe there’s a bit of turmoil and that’s part of the process. Whatever goes up is going to come down. So if you’ve got an amazing run, hey, set the intention, enjoy that, it’s all great but understand that if it comes down, don’t freak out. Expect it, it’s not always …

Well if we look at again, another example, the stock market. If you look at a stock market chart over the past 100 years, is it a straight line up? No, it’s up and down, depression, boom, all this kind of stuff. So why should we think, or why should we get upset, when our business is any different? Because the stock market is a reflection of human psychology. Stock market is human behavior. “I’m freaking out, I’m going to sell my stocks.” Or, “I feel good, I’m going to buy stuff.” It’s exactly the same thing in business, so you can’t … Just accept it. Just accept it, it’s part of the process and keep moving forward.

Amy, what’s the second thing we can do to help overcome worry?

 

The outcome you want with the framework you need

Amy:                                     The second thing that we can really do is remember again why did you enroll? What do you want? What is your dream come true outcome? We talk about building your dream come true system for your clients, you’ve enrolled with us because we have a dream come true system for you. So you’re following this and you enrolled because there’s something that you want on the outcome. We talk with folks in the beginning, “What do you want over the next six to 12 months? What type of an income do you want to command? What kind of an impact do you want to have? What kind of a lifestyle do you want to live?” So go back to that, go back to that perfect life vision.

In the pre-work, if you’re working with us, don’t skip that. Don’t just click complete, go back to that perfect life vision because when you focus on what you want, that uncertainty and the fear, you can reframe that as excitement and that’s something … I admit, every time my heart would start to pound I felt like, “Oh my gosh I need to do something to relax, I’m having a panic attack,” and it wasn’t a panic attack, it was just going to the next level and I didn’t know what that was and it was unknown. So I was like, “Oh gosh, I have to stop this.” You don’t have to stop that, let that run, that’s … you’re going in the right direction.

So reframe your thoughts about your feelings and really use that as a guide post. Like Stephanie said and Jackie said, when you’re following, when you lean in … because our promise to you, our 100% success guaranteed is that we’ve got this amazing framework. What makes us different? People ask us that all the time, it’s the amazing support and the simple step by step framework. So all you need to do is follow the framework and lean in and then we’re going to go to the ends of the earth with you and meet you halfway. So we’re going to meet you there, you’re going to lean in for the support, don’t disappear, everyone’s scared. Don’t get paralyzed, just remember why are you doing this?

If you’ve ever jumped out of an airplane or done a Spartan race or whatever your … birthed a baby at home. There are moments when you’re like, “Holy crap, am I going to make it?” But you know what that outcome is and you know that you’re going to make it. So it’s the same thing with your perfect client pipeline. You enrolled because you knew. Most of the people we speak with, it’s a feeling, so that’s what I … what lots of folks that I’ve been speaking with on the front-end, they just felt something, they felt a connection with Yuri’s webinar, they felt a connection with the process. They hadn’t spoken with us yet, it’s the same thing for you guys.

So focus on the outcome of what you want and stay aligned with that and don’t take that as panic, take that as excitement that you’re moving in the direction that you’re supposed to be. So that, I think would be number two, is just stay focused on what you want, not on what you don’t want.

Then ask yourself, what’s the worst thing that could happen, right?

Yuri Elkaim:                         Yeah, for sure. Well I think your T-shirt says it all, if you guys are not on video, she’s wearing a T-shirt that says, “Life is good, forecast mostly sunny.” You have to trick your brain into thinking like this because again, we’re so deeply ingrained to think in the, what’s the worst that can happen here? Like thinking about that stuff. If you think about a parent, I’ll just use my mom as an example because when we were young, and maybe people watching this who have older kids, once your kids start driving and they’re out doing their thing, you could lay in bed worrying all night about what happens if this happens, what could happen here? You could live like that and drive yourself insane.

But again, how is that helping you? To lay in bed and worry about something you have zero control over. I think that’s another thing too guys, is only focus on the things you can control. The things that are out of your control, you can’t worry about them. It’s like, “Oh my God, is it going to rain today? It’s going to rain tomorrow, am I going to worry about that?” No. Maybe I’ll focus on the fact that I could put a rain jacket on, or use an umbrella.

So the focus, as Amy brings up, is such a huge, huge piece of the puzzle and the third piece is action. It’s like, what can you do to move forward in a way that’s going to be helpful to you? So as I just mentioned, if you’re worried about the rain, just say, “Okay, well I can put an umbrella on.” Jackie, we’ve mentioned this before, that you’ve jumped out of an airplane, what? Twice?

Jackie:                                   Yeah, unfortunately only twice. I would do it every day if I could.

Yuri Elkaim:                         Okay, so just context, skydiving, not like, “I just jumped out of an airplane,” commercial airlines.

Jackie:                                   Yeah.

Yuri Elkaim:                         So is there any kind of analogy or parable from skydiving and worry to taking action and that alleviating that worry?

 

Taking (the right) action and fine-tuning our daily thoughts

Jackie:                                   Well yeah. Taking action is huge because again, we can take action with the mindset of worry and it’s still going to be the wrong action. So we have to shift our thoughts because we think of our daily habits of what we’re doing but it all starts with our thoughts. We really got to break the pact of our daily thought habits immediately, that’s all mindset. So when I went to jump out of a plane, it’s not like I went and said, “Hey, I want to jump out of a plane,” and they just strapped the parachute on me and pushed me out in the next 15 minutes. There was a half a day of training and I was jumping with someone attached to me that was an expert.

So I prepared and I took the worry out because I said, “Okay, I’m going to learn this, I’m going to do that, they’re going to be attached, they’re going to do everything. God forbid one of us faints and neither of us … or we bonk heads and …” these are all things that could happen, “… and we’re both knocked out,” I know there’s an emergency chute that’s going to open at 700 feet. We’re going to hit to ground probably at 25 miles an hour but that’s better than hitting the ground at 200 miles an hour.

There’s all these things that they tell and you and warn you and you sign your life away but I went into it … because I’m a junkie on the excitement side of it. I’m a junkie on the side of, I’m not going to worry about what happened three days ago with someone else and their accident, I’m going to do this for me now. The chances of anything happening to me are very low. The chances of me getting in a car accident are higher, or greater.

So there’s a lot you can look at around that, but it’s all perception going into it. There’s people that would say, Stephanie would probably say this, “I would never jump out of a plane.” That’s something that she would never do and that’s okay because that’s Stephanie. So she’s not going to worry about it because she’s never going to put herself in that situation but you guys have control of the situation you’re in.

When Amy said earlier, even you’re worrying about things that are out of your control, well yeah, that’s really silly but what’s even more silly is worrying about things that are in your control. You have the choice to take action today, or you have a choice to stay in bed and ho hum from about all these things that could have gone wrong or are going wrong, instead of you just shifting, pivoting, taking action. Even just the slightest step of getting out of bed and say, “I’m going to sit down and review something.” Or, “I’m going to sit down and watch another module.” Or, “I’m going to sit down and talk to my coach because I need to get the heck out of my head today and I need to reset my framework.” So it just all boils down to the really the taking action, but our thoughts.

I won’t sign anybody up for our program if they’re not in the right mindset because I don’t want them to be a squeaky wheel in our group. We like people who want help and who are saying, “Hey, this is broken.” Or, “Hey, these numbers are great but I want to make them better.” We like that type of noise, but those people who are already going into the course, and you don’t want people in your programs like this either. This is why we have applications, this is why we screen people, this is why we have a perfect client pipeline, it’s awesome. But what it comes down to really at the end of the day, you want people enrolled and this is why you all are here, because you came in with the right mindset. You didn’t know how the hell you were going to do this, but this is why you hired coaching.

You knew we had the framework, you knew we had a generous amount of support from every angle, and you knew that we’re going to show you what to take action on, it’s your choice to take action on it, right?

Yuri Elkaim:                         Yeah.

Jackie:                                   So I think I went off on a tangent there Yuri, but you can bring us back.

 

Confirmation bias and creating your own reality

Yuri Elkaim:                         Let’s just recap the three things we talked about, we talked about in terms of overcoming worry.

It’s expecting and accepting uncertainty. It’s focusing on the right thing, so focusing on what you want, and then taking action as a result of that.

There’s probably a number of other things too, like I think one of the things that is embedded in my … it’s probably something I’m trained in over the years is just, “Everything’s going to be great.” And just expect everything to work out for you, because guess what’s going to happen? It will and if you’re expecting things to work out for you, you’re attracting situations and experiences and results that are going to confirm that and I don’t know if … I’m trying to remember if it’s cognitive bias or whatever it is, if you think that things are going to be shitty, you will find things to confirm that.

If you think that things are going to work out, you will find things that are going to confirm that. That is not something you have to pay for, that is a decision you make internally, to like, “I just believe everything is going to work out, no matter what.” This goes back to what we’ve talked about before, everything is happening for you not to you. Everything is happening because of you. You are a creator, everything you put out into this world, into this universe, is going to come back to you with whatever intention and energy you set out there with that initial intention.

So again, we wanted to talk about this because worry doesn’t serve you. Again, it’s like that rocking chair analogy. You’re going back and forth in the same place, you’re not moving forward at all and we’re here to help you guys move forward because that’s all you can do. You’re either growing or you’re dying and we want to help you guys move forward with confidence. This past Saturday, we had a four hours sales training marathon. Now, I couldn’t believe how fast four hours flew by, it was insane and this was something that I wanted to do because we want to equip all of our clients with more confidence to have enrollment calls that are effective.

If someone has 10 calls and zero bookings, that has nothing to do with, this process doesn’t work. That has 100% to do with you on the phone and you have to understand that but if you take ownership of the fact that, “Man, I suck on the phone, I’m going to improve my skills.” That’s cool because now you can speak with 10 people and maybe enroll three or four, completely different business as a result of that. So going back to taking action on things you can control, for us, we have a sales training meeting every single morning because we understand that being able to have effective conversations with people is something we control.

We can’t control what someone’s going to say but we control how we can respond to it. So if we can train that ahead of time, and going back to what you said Jackie about, you don’t just jump out of an airplane. You train to jump out of the airplane. So training beats trepidation, action beats anxiety, it’s the same reason why athletes visualize so much, so that there’s no surprises.

You guys know I love F1 racing and these guys, they visualize the entire racetrack. They have 21 races every year, different racetracks, obviously they do the same racetracks every year but do you think these guys are going 300 kilometers an hour around a racetrack they’ve never been on? No, they’re going to go in a simulator, they’re going to know every single corner, they’re going to visualize in the car, you can see them sometimes, they have their eyes closed and they’re actually moving their body to mimic the course and its turns, and the same thing happens for you guys in your business, is you want to mimic what is the racecourse of my life, of my business? And train every single day to get better at that so that there no surprises, because prediction is one of the first signs of mastery and the better you get at predicting what could happen and preparing from that, the better off you’re going to be and then you don’t have to worry about stuff.

So any final words of wisdom guys, before we finish off?

 

Predicting, expecting the best, and the power of coaching

Jackie:                                   Yuri, I think you hit the nail on the head. It’s always predicting and expecting the best. If we can plan ahead, and like Stephanie said too, accepting and expecting for that uncertainty is one thing, but also planning and accepting what you could predict on your own, that’s power and that can only happen in coaching. That can only happen with a perfect client pipeline and a framework. So you’re here and you have it, which is awesome, this is why everybody’s here and if you’re on the podcast, you could be here too. You don’t have to be lost in la la land but the power is in the coaching. It’s not a video course, right?

Stephanie:                          Absolutely.

Jackie:                                   So that’s my final thoughts. If you’re going to take action, make sure it’s taking action on the proven system, you’ll just be spinning your wheels.

Amy:                                     And I think just to add to that is to check your attitude, check where your focus is because we had the Women’s World Cup Skiing here in Killington this weekend. So our little tiny town of 800 people had 20,000 people here.

Yuri Elkaim:                         Awesome.

Amy:                                     But when you listen to the athletes, it is an amazing, amazing event and Mikaela Shiffron is, this is her home course and she got knocked off the podium on Saturday and she had just such a great attitude. She had so much fun, it’s so exciting, it’s such a great crowd here, and she won on Sunday, she came in first, but she never lost her bright attitude. She never lost her gratitude. The course, Sunday it was cold, I mean Saturday it was cold, Sunday it was like spring steam, not good for racers, but they didn’t lose their attitude and if you’re into skiing at all, look it up. All these women have these huge smiles on their faces and they’re keeping their attitudes there and it’s just …

So just take yourself, check your focus, and you’ve got this.

Yuri Elkaim:                         Check yourself, yeah. That’s really good, that’s why I love that. I love sports because it’s always such a really great analogy for business and life. Ali’s saying here in the group, “I love these videos, I stop in my tracks while doing my morning burpees, sit in front of this video. Thank you, you’re all so well-versed and I believe I’ll get there too.” 100%, you said the key word, belief, that’s all you have to do guys. If you believe it’s going to work out, it’s going to work out, okay?

So hopefully you guys have enjoyed this one, if you’re in the group, awesome, if you’re watching the video, great stuff.

If you’re listening to this on the podcast, remember to head on over to our retraining, The 7-Figure Health Business Blueprint, it’s over at healthpreneurgroup.com/training.

Go through it, if you like what you see and you like what we’re talking about here, then hey, by all means, book a call. That’s if you’re serious about taking our expertise or your existing coaching business and taking it to the next level, we’d be happy to help you.

So guys, thank you so much for showing up and sharing your wisdom with us and we look forward to speaking with you guys in the next episode.