Welcome to The Healthpreneur Podcast! Let’s get right to it and discuss the number one fear that is sabotaging your business: The fear of being disliked. And guess what? It’s normal. I can relate and I bet you can, too. You see, we as humans have been hardwired from the beginning to want to fit in and be liked by our tribe.

But in today’s world, the fear of being disliked is one we need to overcome so we can do better in business, impact people on a deeper level, and be our true, unique, awesome selves. If we let our fears operate our actions, we’ll never get to share our message and we’ll give up before we get the chance to breakthrough.

Today I’ll discuss how I’ve seen this fear show up in my life, how I’ve seen successful people overcome it and persist their way to success, and why you must shift your mindset to see past the fear that’s stunting your growth. Luckily, there are ways to train for this shift so you can just be you, do you, and attract the right people in the process. Tune in to find out how.

In this episode I discuss:

1:00 – 2:30 – My story of when I sucked at sales

2:30 – 5:30 – The fear of being disliked and the value of persistence

5:30 – 7:30 – Overcoming the fear of being disliked and shifting your mindset

7:30 – 8:00 – All you can do is be you, but you need to share your offer and impact

8:00 – 10:00 – How to build the muscle to overthrow your fear


Today I want to share with you the number one fear that sabotages your business, and you’re probably not even aware of it.


My story of when I sucked at sales

I want to start off by sharing a story with you about when I was a personal trainer. This is back in my early 20s. I was working as a personal trainer while going to school to get a practical application for what I was learning in class. I quickly realized that I enjoyed helping people, but I also realized that I sucked at selling.

I could take somebody through an amazing workout, but when I would sit with them to sell a package, I didn’t have the confidence, the certainty, or the wherewithal to simply say, “Listen, you have to do this.”

I struggled even though I was fairly busy. I wasn’t getting paid what I felt I was worth, I felt overworked, and that wasn’t a good place to be. It took me a long time to recognize this, even when I came online in 2006, because it still persisted. Even to this day it lingers a little bit and shows its ugly face.

I want to share this one fear, and I guarantee that it is holding you back as well. I believe it’s the number one fear that is sabotaging almost everybody’s business.


The fear of being disliked and the value of persistence

It’s the fear of being disliked.

We have neural programming that says we are part of a tribe. The way our brains work is that we’re part of an ancestral tribe, and if we don’t jive with the tribe, then we’ll be ostracized. That’s the conditioning that our primitive brain has been coded with.

When we fast-forward to 2018 and the current day and age, when we do things that are potentially going to upset other people or have them dislike us, there is an underlying primitive fear that we’ll be ostracized from the tribe, metaphorically speaking. Oftentimes, we’re not even aware of this, and I think it holds us back from pushing when we need to push.

It holds us back from asking important questions and having difficult conversations because we don’t want to upset other people, step on other people’s toes, or — God forbid — have them say no or, “I don’t like this person because they’re a little bit too pushy.”

That’s one way of looking at it.

But what I realized over time is that when I look at successful people — and I talk about this all the time — they have this ability to persist no matter what, to the point that it’s almost annoying. When you have discussions with successful people, one of the things that they look for in the people that they work with is persistence.

I remember having a conversation with somebody a long time ago who has now built a $100 million a year business — probably even more — and he talked about how when people would email him, he would never respond to the first email. I thought that was interesting.

Most people would perceive that as, “Oh God, he doesn’t like me, why wouldn’t he respond to my email? I don’t want to step on his toes or force the issue.” And they would stop.

But he said, “I don’t respond to the first email because I want to see what they’re made of. Are they going to follow up? Are they going to persist? Are they going to get creative and try to get in touch no matter what?” This is how he lived his business life. He would send somebody an email to introduce himself for whatever reason, and would send numerous emails afterwards, before getting a response.

It sounds easy to do in theory, but when we’re typing the email or about to pick up the phone to make that call, that little voice inside of our head says, “Don’t do it. What if they get pissed off? What if they don’t like you?” I’m not going to say it takes a certain type of person, because I believe this can be developed, but we must be aware of it.

Are we scared of being disliked, or is what we’re doing so important that this person needs to know about it, so we must get in touch with them? If we shift our mindset around this, it helps.


Overcoming the fear of being disliked and shifting your mindset

Instead of focusing on being disliked, which puts the focus on us from a very egotistical standpoint when we’re fearful and stressed, we should focus outside of ourselves. If we focus on the person or the people that we can serve, now it’s about them. Fear dissolves, because it’s not about what they think of us, it’s about, “How can I be of service to them and transform their life? My offer, what I’m selling, will, without a shadow of a doubt, make this person’s life infinitely better.” By not following up, not asking the difficult questions, or not asking for the sale, you’re doing them a disservice.

If the person says no, they’re saying no to the opportunity, not necessarily to you as a person.

In some cases, maybe it’s you as a person, but you know what, what are you going to do with that? You can’t change who you are, but that’s just the way you are. Some people are going to naturally gravitate towards you, some people won’t. But it’s important to look at any situation we’re in, and just shift our perspective to consider, “Am I focusing on myself? What am I scared of, what are my insecurities, and instead can I come at this from a place of service?”

Think, “Hey, maybe that email went to their spam. Maybe I just missed this opportunity because I thought they weren’t going to respond, but they only just saw the email because it was in their spam box, and I should follow up to ask if they received my email.


All you can do is be you, but you need to share your offer and impact

It’s important to have that persistence and not worry about being disliked. Regina Brett said, “What other people think of you is none of your business.” You can’t change the way people think about you. You can only do you, you can only be you, you can only go out there and do your thing, and if people don’t like that, who cares? Move on to the next person, because there are millions and millions of people who need what you offer.

Are you going to help all millions of people? Probably not, but even if you tapped into 1% or 5% of them, that is a huge number of people that you’ll impact at a deeper level.


How to build the muscle to overthrow your fear

Here are a couple tips to build this muscle:

One, practice making more asks. Don’t be beige, don’t be plain vanilla, don’t try to please everyone. Take your stance, polarize, and practice making more asks.

“Would you like this?” “Can I send this to you?” “Did you get my email?”

Follow up with people, and ask. Even if it’s small, practice building that muscle.

Second, the more no’s you get, the closer you are to getting a yes. There’s an old-school saying when it comes to sales that for every 10 no’s, you’ll get a yes, so just keep getting noes. I don’t necessarily like getting a lot of no’s. Nobody does. But remember that we’re always at the cusp of a breakthrough, and if we give up, we don’t get that breakthrough.

So, even though shit hits the fan, or you get those no’s over and over, or your Facebook ad account gets shut down, or whatever it might be, figure out a way to keep on going. Never allow that roadblock to stand in your way.

Finally, it’s important to share more of what you believe than what you know. I know this is a little bit off on a tangent here, but if you are posting stuff via email, social media, or video podcast, I think it’s important to share your Kool-Aid, as I call it, so people buy into your philosophy. That way, when you do make those asks — whether it’s to join a program, attend an event, or whatever it is — they buy into you because they believe what you stand for.

That’s extremely powerful yet overlooked when people try to grow their businesses.

So, those are some of the ways to help you overcome that fear of being disliked, so you can build that muscle and belief in yourself that what you’re doing matters and what you offer will help people. It’s your duty to continue moving forward.

So, on that note, I hope this message finds you well. Remember, if you haven’t subscribed to the podcast, you can do so on iTunes. If you’ve enjoyed this show, as well as any of the other episodes, be sure to leave us a rating or review on the show. That would be greatly appreciated. I hope you have an amazing day. Stay tuned for more awesome interviews coming your way this Wednesday and Friday, and I will talk to you then.


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What You Missed

In our last episode we switched gears a bit and honing in on a necessary part of business that makes some of us squirm…sales.

Sylvia Flavela, Pilates practitioner and business coach to Pilates entrepreneurs, breaks down the key to sales success in any business. Spoiler alert: It’s all in your head.

Sylvia drops some much-needed truth-bombs our way as she recalls experiences over the past decade and a half that have taught her the most effective sales techniques.

Be sure to tune in and check out this episode: The #1 Skill You Need to Build a Successful Health Business with Sylvia Flavela.